Hello everyone, here is my writing about Coin Operated. On the top is my planing and on the bottom is my one hundred word writing, I wrote 265 words.
Have you watched Coin Operated?
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Sentence 1 (character/scene) | In the middle of a bright sunny day, a boy named Daniel and his mum were walking out of a food store. |
Sentence 2 (character/scene) | Daniel always dreamed of going to space in a rocket ship, after a few minutes Daniel spotted a red rocket ship right in front of a store. |
Sentence 3 (Conflict) | Excitingly, Daniel tugged his mum and politely asked her if he could have a coin to go in the red rocket ship. |
Sentence 4 (Conflict) | Quickly, Daniel jumped in the red ship, as Daniel’s mum put a coin in the ship he smiled but when it went into the rocket ship it wasn’t quite what he expected. |
Sentence 5 (resolution) | The rocket just rocked, it didn’t fly into space like an ordinary rocket, at first he was surprised but then he came up with a great idea. |
Sentence 6 (how characters have changed) | He made his own lemonade stand and for many years he worked until he had enough money to go to space. |
Now write a 100 word story that includes all the details above |
In the middle of a bright sunny day, a boy named Daniel and his mum were walking out of a food store. Surprisingly, Daniel always dreamed of going to space in a rocket ship. He wore a space helmet with a cardboard jet pack on his back. After a few minutes Daniel spotted a red rocket ship right in front of a store. Excitingly, Daniel tugged his mum and politely asked her if he could have a coin to go in the red rocket ship. Quickly, Daniel jumped in the red ship, he held on tight, his heart was racing fast. As Daniel’s mum put a coin in the ship he smiled but when it went into the rocket ship it wasn’t quite what he expected. With surprise,the rocket just rocked, it didn’t fly into space like an ordinary rocket, at first he froze but then he came up with a great idea. Happily, his amazing idea was to make a lemonade stand and try to make enough money to put in the rocket and go to the moon. As many years passed by he finally made enough money to go to the moon, so he carried all his money to the ship and poured all the money into the machine, but then nothing happened. Daniel didn’t notice that all the money hadn’t gone through the machine. With anger and sadness he banged the machine and the money went through. Suddenly, the rocket rumbled, and then as the rocket blasted into space Daniel had a humongous smile on his face and happily his dream came true. The End |
Kapiri you have used some great language in your story, it really keeps the reader interested. Your sentence beginnings are especially good eg Happily,..., with anger and sadness...., with surprise....
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great writing.
Thank you Ms Cramer for you thoughtful comments.
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